Syllabus: How To Date During Your 20s to 30s After Being Violated
20 Topics: How To Date During Your 20s to 30s After Being Violated
- What You Should Do Before That 1st Date:
Have yourself in check and order. Make sure that you can provide for yourself. You can’t want for someone to give you what you can’t even give for yourself.
- Let's Talk About Overcoming Triggers:
Things happen which can cause triggering behaviors and actions. How can you become aware of this in the moment, work through it, and move away from it?
- How To Bring Up The Past:
Bringing up the past can help bring understanding to the way to react to certain things within yourself or your relationship.
- How A Good Guy Treats A Survivor:
With your partner knowing of your past, it should make them more aware of their actions and language towards you.
- Trust After Harshness, Abuse, Or Non-Accountability:
Trust isn’t something easy to give or receive after going through trauma. So how do you open yourself up to it, and are you ready to?
- Dating Yourself - Single or in a Relationship
Anything that man can give you, you can give yourself. But that doesn’t mean that has to be the case. You can allow someone to give you the love that you deserve. And you can also give that love to yourself.
- What's Your Desired Outcome? (relates to #10)
Are you looking for something casual? Are you ready to meet the one? Ask yourself why you even want to be in a relationship, and what kind of relationship it is.
- What Are Your Love Languages?
Words of affirmations, acts of services, gift giving, quality time, and physical touch. What do you like to give? What do you like to receive?
- What Is Your Attachment Style? (avoidant, anxious, etc)
Are you secure, avoidant, anxious, or disorganized?
- Different Versions Of Dating
Another variation of #7, what form of dating are you looking to partake in? Dating can be different levels of exclusivity and inclusivity. Which one are you seeking?
- Healing With Support
You don’t have to go on your healing journey alone. Allow yourself to receive support.
- Creating Space and Boundaries for Yourself and a Relationship
How much are you able to give and how much are you able to receive?
- Vulnerability - How Much and How Soon?
This is a position where you open yourself up. You are taking a risk, which can make you more confident and a relief off your shoulders.
- Releasing Stereotypes/Expectations
Knowing what you want, but being open to the unknown.
- How Do You Know You're Ready To Date Again?
A relationship is a want, not a need. Ask yourself what do you want out of a connection, and what connection are you exactly seeking?
- The Spark
Does there have to be a spark for this to be the one? Or is this just a myth?
- Healing Isn't Linear
There’s no timeline when it comes to healing. You are never taking a step back, simply revisiting what you need to prioritize in your healing journey. Sometimes triggers arise as a test to see if we’ve truly grown and worked through our trauma.
- Consent and Respect
Just because you’re dating someone doesn’t automatically mean there is no need to ask for consent and respect.
- Trauma Bonding and Dumping
Always ask before you bring up a trauma related concern. Is the other person able to hold space for you? How will talking about this make you feel? Is this the person you want to be talking about this to?
- Overcoming Hatred Towards Men
This is a trauma response generalizing the entity of men as a whole because of something you’ve experienced.